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Sunday, September 21, 2008

Out with the old


For some reason I identify with the land. I want to protect it and keep it from harm. So when the bulldozer comes to tear it up, dig holes, fell trees, I usually go into a state of despair and vulnerability. First my phone dying, my blackberry, all my contact numbers, my calendar, then my mind, my sanity, my stability, only you Lord stay the same and never leave.

The place I have been meaning to get to on the land, the homesteader’s dump, has been dug up and taken away to prepare for a new septic system and drain field. As I think about the excavator service taking out the old stuff, the artifacts, broken objects of the past that I cling to and hold onto, I let them go. I put on music, loud operatic hymns to drown out the squeaking and banging of the repair. I let it fill my empty places instead.

The excavator also digs out deep roots to make way for the new system. “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and many to be defiled.”[1] Who knows what bitterness I might have, but take it away even though it hurts. “Create in me a clean heart O God, and renew a right spirit within me,”[2] I sing. I want it. I give you the right, Lord, to excavate my heart, mind and soul, tear out the things that get in the way of your work through me. I am weak and vulnerable but I know this is where I can be best used for your glory and your work, because in my weakness, you get the credit. The hole that opens up what is buried deep within me, the squealing wheels of the excavator slowly moving across the landscape of my life, all opened up with my permission. I trust you Lord. There was lots of stuff plugging me up, lots of waste blocking my life like the old septic system. I need a clean out, Lord. Thank you for sending your pump truck to pump me out, and your backhoe to do a new work so I can be effective for You.
[1] Hebrews 12:15 NIV
[2] Psalm 51:10

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