Pressed down

Apples chopped, pressed and overflowing

This week I have felt scattered, chopped up and pressed down. I've taken on too much and have to let some things go. Tasks have piled up like the apples in the bucket. My life is chopped up into too many pieces and I feel the pressure. I don't want interruptions in my life, yet, You, Lord want me to be available, to give according to your timing. Come to think of it, the cider pressing we attended last Sunday reminds me of my life right now, under pressure. I just hope that something good and sweet, like the fresh cider, overflows in my life, "a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into (my) your lap" as a result of all that pressing. Luke 6:38

Check out the video http://www.youtube.com/ angelambryant cider pressing.

In Memoriam

Brother Joe left this world October 7, 2008 3:40 pm

When I received the call, I had been reading from a copy of our greatgg Grandmother McLeod's writing about our ggg Grandfather's death, Feb 3, 1825, 6 pm.
"My dear daughter,
The Lord in his tender mercy has taken our Father from this world of sorrow to enjoy a better inheritance in that world where sorrow never comes and the power of darkness and the weary troubled no more...he seemed himself sensible of his approaching end..he thought his hour of departure was near and was blessed with a resignation to the will of his maker... I cannot pretend to write particulary much of his conversation as death approached he said, 'I am willing to go; I have ... had time enough given to prepare for death and am through the grace of Lord Jesus well ready.' This with many other expressions of the same nature seemed clearly to show his perfect resignation to the will of his blessed Master. .."

Below is my brother Wally's description of brother Joe's last hours sent to me later via email.
“We all grieve at the passing of Joe. Once cancer was discovered in his right lung, it was all downhill. The surgery for removal of his lung was successful and radical. Pneumonia set in and an infection that was never identified for treatment. For two months he suffered. disability and discomfort without complaint until his last breath Tuesday the 7th. Below is an account of his final hour.

I had requested a team evaluation of his desire to live or die, with family members there to ascertain the correctness of the staff’s interpretation of his communication to us. Present were the staff: the male charge nurse, the surgeon, the head nurse, and a rehab nurse skilled in communicating with patient's unable to talk.

Also the family was there: Karin, Danny, Lee and myself. We gathered around his bed at the appointed time listening and watching the procedure. The staff had reduced the level of his medication so he was awake and conscious. The questions asked entailed his answers be by nodding Yes or shaking his head No. Pretests were made to see if he could comply with these requests, and he passed.. Then the three staff who questioned him took turns, first the head nurse, then the specialist nurse and finally the surgeon. Each required an answer from Joe: whether he realized the seriousness of his illness, second did he understand the consequences of staying alive, and thirdly explaining the procedure of removing the breathing tube. Did he want the tube to remain in? “No” Did he want to risk passing on? ”Yes” Did he understand that there would be no fear or panic if he were to pass on as he would be medicated correctly? :”Yes” He was asked three times if he wished to have the oxygen removed, and three time he nodded Yes.

Then we all retired to a conference room where we all agreed that Joe had adamantly made a decision to have all life support removed. After some questions for the staff, we left. An hour later his arms were untied from the bed slats, his tube removed, pillows adjusted and brow and mouth wetted and the family was left with him, one at a time. His last words were to Lee:” I love You” and then minutes later he took his last breath, very peacefully and quietly.

The family went afterwards to a restaurant and a quiet room where we reminisced, toasted and celebrated Joe’s life. It was a draining time for all, but all agreed it was the right thing to do for Joe: their father, her husband, and my youngest brother.

I slept little last night as I am sure others as well were affected.
Awake, nor out of guilt or grief as much as replaying all the events of a dramatic and sorrowful ending to Joe’s earthly existence. I was the last to go in to his room after he passed on, earlier the family asked me to say a prayer as we held hands around the dying Joe, the last visit was the Scriptural blessing:
“May the Lord bless you and keep you
May the Lord cause His face to shine upon you
May the Lord lift up his countenance and give you Peace. Amen."

I believe that Joe also resigned himself to His maker's will and through the grace of the Lord Jesus was well ready. Now it is just time for us to grieve his loss.

Waiting

No blog this week
We are back home, praying and waiting. My brother Joe in ICU nodded yes, that he wants to live even though he will never be the same and will be placed in a nursing home. He has a fighting spirit and we all support his decision. God has plans for him - and all of us. He knows the perfect time when we live or when we are to die.
In the meantime we all, his kids included, celebrate his life. I pray that we can continue to support one another and work together for Joe's benefit during this tough time. May God send His peace, wisdom and comfort. to all involved.

Working together

Aquarium in waiting room of ICU

My brother Joe, one lung removed because of cancer now the other lung  pneumonia,  is struggling for his life in the ICU unit- tubes helping keep him alive until he can breathe on his own. We spent the week there in Arizona to be with my brothers and Joe's wife, to do what we could and to pray.

I was encouraged to see how the people in the ICU worked so well together to selflessly take care of my brother. Each with their own task, not getting in each other's way but doing their important part to get him better and keep him alive while he regained strength and pounds. He was as low as 93 pounds when we arrived, skin and bones, not able to speak with tubes down his throat so we could only ask him yes or no questions.

 When it was time for us to leave AZ, the new antibiotic was starting to be effective and he had gained 10 pounds, but a long way yet to go. It was hard to leave except for the assurance of the competant medical care he was under and staff who hugged us. We knew God was there caring for Joe.

As I waited for my husband Neil outside Walgreens one night after being at the hospital most of the day, even the ants moving the grasshopper encouraged me to to trust God and the staff who were working together for Joe's healing. I knew we, who loved him, needed to work together the same way.

Isaiah 40:27-31

Out with the old

For some reason I identify with the land. I want to protect it and keep it from harm. So when the bulldozer comes to tear it up, dig holes, fell trees, I usually go into a state of despair and vulnerability. First my phone dying, my blackberry, all my contact numbers, my calendar, then my mind, my sanity, my stability, only you Lord stay the same and never leave.

The place I have been meaning to get to on the land, the homesteader’s dump, has been dug up and taken away to prepare for a new septic system and drain field. As I think about the excavator service taking out the old stuff, the artifacts, broken objects of the past that I cling to and hold onto, I let them go. I put on music, loud operatic hymns to drown out the squeaking and banging of the repair. I let it fill my empty places instead.

The excavator also digs out deep roots to make way for the new system. “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and many to be defiled.”[1] Who knows what bitterness I might have, but take it away even though it hurts. “Create in me a clean heart O God, and renew a right spirit within me,”[2] I sing. I want it. I give you the right, Lord, to excavate my heart, mind and soul, tear out the things that get in the way of your work through me. I am weak and vulnerable but I know this is where I can be best used for your glory and your work, because in my weakness, you get the credit. The hole that opens up what is buried deep within me, the squealing wheels of the excavator slowly moving across the landscape of my life, all opened up with my permission. I trust you Lord. There was lots of stuff plugging me up, lots of waste blocking my life like the old septic system. I need a clean out, Lord. Thank you for sending your pump truck to pump me out, and your backhoe to do a new work so I can be effective for You.
[1] Hebrews 12:15 NIV
[2] Psalm 51:10

Freedom

Mouse trapped in bucket for awhile can't figure freedom out

(click blue link to watch video)

A few days ago when we returned from town, I went into the greenhouse to water some plants. In the attached shed, I picked up some gloves to get rid of thistles and I heard a noise coming from the bucket that I use for weeding, - a trapped mouse. We have found them before when they fell in and couldn't get out, but usually they were already dead. Finishing my tasks, I came back to put away the gloves. I knew I could not let it be, even though I set lots of traps in the house. Somehow the shed was fair game. So I carried the bucket to the end of the field and tipped it on its side. The mouse tried to climb up the rim like it had been used to doing in the bucket, going around in circles even though now freedom was less than an inch away.

The autumn of the year reminds me it is time for a change. Most years northwest autumns come gradually until one day you discover the leaves turning color, the crisper night air and lower sun of the days. Autumn seems to me to be the time to reorganize my life, make living more manageable and meaningful.

I get in a rut making it harder to change the way I do things and manage my life. Yet the ruts, the normal way of doing things in my daily life, even though ineffective, feels like the only way. Some of the ways I do things have outlived their usefulness. I go around in circles a lot, not accomplishing as much as I could. I'm stuck lately too. Instead of trying to avoid change, I want to face this change head on with a meaningful solution. Maybe I, too, need to be taken to a different place (in my mind) and put in a place where a different perspective is visible. So I ask, "Lord open my eyes to see your way to my internal freedom and give me the courage to follow."

"Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage." Galatians 5:1

Visiting Boston

Where we stayed

where we visited

The British invasion of Boston Common

George Washington in Boston Gardens

From New Hampshire we drove to Boston, turned in the car and took a cab to the guest house. Rainy afternoons set a slower pace to walk to old haunts with umbrella in tow. We spent a few afternoons at the New England Historic Geneological Society where we discovered new links to the past; and taverns, restaurants, landmarks, old links to the past. More to come